I couldn't believe it. My brain was incapable of taking in the vast wealth of amazing that my eyes had just stumbled upon on a routine trip to the antiques mall in my town. But there it was, unmoving, a little worse for wear, but exactly as he would've wanted it. Yes, my friends... There exists...
TEDDY ROOSEVELT AFTERSHAVE!
Yes, my friends, in bygone years were men were men and people would continue to work despite a little thing such as getting shot, or cutting a limb off, or death... There was this aftershave. Unfortunately, I really couldn't find out much about it. Released by Avon, it appears to be from the 1970s/1980s, but I could be wrong.
Indeed, that is the smile of one of the greatest presidents and one of the absolutely manliest men in the history of ever. Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th President of the United States from 1901 - 1909 when, after William McKinley died from gunshot wounds, he ascended to that office.
While I could easily fill this entire blog from here on out with the amazing things that mad man did, that is not why this post is here. You can actually SMELL LIKE TEDDY ROOSEVELT! What mysteries lie inside of this box, you ask? What vessel can contain the incredible amount of amazing, badass and manliness and why are we not shooting men to Mars with this material? Well..
It seems to be porcelain, my friends. Mark this as the day where you know the true answer to what can be used to create cold fusion and what really helped create the universe. The liquid sits on the inside of that almost appropriately terrifying bust. You know, thinking about it now, I'm sure that was the last thing many an animal saw... Teddy Roosevelt laughing at them for succumbing to death.
The scent, according to those that have smelled its majesticness, seems to vary between baby powder, to Old Spice and Brut. But I'm more curious as to how they figured out what he smelled like... Unless they've secretly been storing his body, extracting his essence from it on a regular basis to fill these bottles with. Those MONSTERS!
Below are the rest of the graphics of this box sans a short biography on the man on the back of it. So look at them, infuse yourself with his awesomeness, then go out and karate chop a bear and make steaks out of it.
Oh, one more thing...
That really happened. You want to know why the world sucks? We don't have politicians that resemble anything like Theodore Roosevelt anymore.
